I visited mom the other day and for the very first time, I came away without any tears. I have gotten to the point where I can block out the pain, be there for my mother, and forge ahead in my duties as a "good daughter." I'm learning to do the same thing with my running. Running for me is hard-it always has been. I do it, because when I'm finished, I feel great, and many times I even feel good during a run. Lately, I have experienced that inevitable point during a run where everything is on autopilot-my brain processes no pain, it does not concentrate on discomfort-it just "gets the job done." Usually, for me, that comes at around mile 4 of a long weekend run.
What a relief it is to visit mom and to be on "autopilot." Maybe I have finally come to the point in this journey where I can block out the pain of losing my mother. What a wonderful feeling it is to run on "autopilot" and feel like I could go on forever! I like "autopilot" mode. I think I'll stay here for a while.